“I Cannot Stay Faithful to One Man, Why is it Difficult For Me?” Psychologist Responds
- A Nigerian woman is in a complicated situation as she is finding it difficult to be faithful to a single partner
- The lady who spoke anonymously said she is not proud of her actions and cannot point to one thing that causes her to be unfaithful
- A counselling psychologist, Omotola Akinwale, speaks on what the problem is and what can be done to be a loyal partner
Legit.ng journalist Ridwan Adeola Yusuf has over 9 years of experience covering public journalism.
FCT, Abuja - A 32-year-old woman shared her concern.
"I have trouble being faithful to the person I am involved with.
"Looking back at my life, this is a pattern that I have developed, even having relationships, when I was younger, with married men. This is something that I am not proud of.
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"I am in my 30s now and divorced, which my problem basically destroyed my marriage and is about to destroy the relationship of the man I love.
"I don’t set out to intentionally to be unfaithful, but it has happened on more than one occasion. I don’t know what causes me to do this. I don’t want to continue my life like this.
"Is there any way to stop myself from destroying yet another relationship? Please help!"
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“Why can I not stop cheating?” Expert intervenes
Omotola Akinwale presently works as a psychologist at Mycarebuddy, a Lagos-based mental health therapy startup. Akinwale has trained dozens of individuals (on-site and offline) across Western Nigeria on different topics about mental and emotional health wellness.
1. Cheating mindset
For someone who cannot stay faithful to one man, one of the things that could cause it, first is mindset. The person should look inward. What are the things you’ve heard, what are the things you believe about faithfulness and loyalty?
Some people believe that men are not faithful, and so they can’t stay faithful to them; like 'all men are the same, why stay faithful to one man?'
What are the words that have been sowed as seeds in your mind? What have people told you about loyalty? Have they told you ‘good girl no dey pay o’? ‘Being loyal doesn’t have an advantage'.
If someone has that kind of mindset, it might cause unfaithfulness.
Another thing is, ‘if you see someone get away with unfaithfulness, someone close to you that you respect, say your mother, aunty, who was unfaithful, and ‘unfaithfulness paid off for’, it has sort of given the possibility that one can do it and get away with it.
2. Can high libido be a reason for cheating?
Another thing is a high libido rate. Some women are naturally born to crave intercourse at an unusually high percentage. So if this woman has a very high libido, for instance, one man may not exactly be getting it, because for the woman, when it comes to sexual satisfaction, her mind and body have to be in tune. So, she might be craving the satisfaction that she craves for trying to look for it in every man.
She can be faithful in her relationship by controlling her flirty behaviour. When working on being loyal in a relationship, you must do what you can to control flirty behaviour(s).
3. Does low self-esteem lead to cheating?
Another reason would be the desire for self-validation. So, she is looking for validation, something to make her complete, and something that validates that she is good, she is okay, and all of that.
Baba Tee says cheating is men’s second skin
Meanwhile, popular Nigerian actor and comedian Babatunde Bernard Tayo, aka Baba Tee, caused a huge stir on social media over his view on men who cheat.
Baba Tee was recently a guest on The Honest Bunch podcast where he spoke about a series of topics, including men not being faithful in their relationships.
Read about relationship issues:
- Do you want him back? 5 ways to make your ex run back to you
- Tragedy as 100-level student allegedly kills self over failed relationship
- HIV-positive Abuja lady enters dating scene
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Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers' decisions. They should always seek their professional advice that takes into account their circumstances before making any decision.
Have a story to tell? Need an expert's advice? Feel free to reach out to us at info@corp.legit.ng.
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