100+ best one-liners to get a laugh out of your friends or crush

Having the best moments with everyone around you is what everyone desires. However, that is not always the case because occasionally, there are moments of awkward silence when you do not know what to say to each other. In such moments, you can drop a one-liner joke to liven up people’s moods and make them laugh. You should memorise some of the best one-liners listed in this article to make your crush and loved ones laugh.

From clever one-liners that require people to think a bit to get the humour to funny jokes to share with children, these one-liners will spice your conversations. With these jokes, there is no room for dull moments and awkward silences, whether you are passing the time with a group of friends or sending your crush a text message. Here is a compilation of the best one-liners to get a laugh out of your loved ones.

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Best one-liners of all time

A good joke is irresistible because of the contagious laughter it can generate. The best one-liner jokes cut across generations and, thus, are suitable for everyone regardless of age. They come from various topics, making them relatable to many people.

Best one-liners for friends

Nothing beats the best moments you have with your friends. You appreciate their company even when you have nothing to say to each other. However, these funny one-liners can make your moments together even more enjoyable.

• Light travels faster than sound, so some people appear bright before you hear them speak.
• Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
• Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
• A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
• Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and have their shoes.
• The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a harsh sentence.
• Before you marry a person, you should make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they are.
• A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, "Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here."
• My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate. I told them, "Just wait!"
• Why did the parents not like their son’s biology teacher? He had skeletons in his closet.
• My mother was so surprised when I told her I was born again. She said she didn’t feel a thing!
• You’ll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully and lie about your age.
• The trouble with getting to work on time is that it makes the day so long.
• I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
• When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination.
• I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That's a bit of a stretch.
• My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: I couldn't concentrate.
• If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
• Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the lyrics!
• The teddy bear had to say no to dessert. He was already stuffed.
• I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet. But I haven't seen any with more than 4.

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Best movie one-liners

Quotes from some movies will make you laugh your head off. They are hilarious and can be used as one-liner jokes in conversations. Here are funny quotes from movies you can use as one-liner jokes.

• When you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. – When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
• We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. – Best in Show (2000)
• If you're nothing without the suit, then you shouldn't have it. – Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
• Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the War Room! – Dr. Strangelove (1964)
• We’re werewolves, not swearwolves. – What We Do in the Shadows (2019)
• By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me. – The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
• Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday. – Trains and Automobiles (1987)
• Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. – A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
• These people are so posh and snobby; they’re snoshy. – Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
• Look at the size of that. I’ve taken sponge baths in smaller bowls than that. – Best in Show (2000)

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Witty one-liners about life

Despite the struggles in life, you have a chance to be happy and laugh at funny jokes. A clever joke leaves many people thinking about the humour behind it. These intelligent one-liners will make you think and giggle when you realise what they mean.

• Money talks: mine always says goodbye.
• Most people are shocked when they discover how bad I am as an electrician.
• I have a dog to provide unconditional love, but I also have a cat to remind me that I don’t deserve it: it’s all about balance.
• The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
• My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
• I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner – all it was doing was gathering dust.
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
• My math teacher called me average – it’s so mean!
• The other day, I asked the banker to check my balance, so she pushed me.
• Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
• I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
• What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
• At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog he’s adopted?
• Adam & Eve were the first to ignore Apple's terms and conditions.
• The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family.
• I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
• When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
• I spent much time, money, and effort childproofing my house. But the kids still get in.
• I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• No one should have children after 35. 35 children are enough.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Life's like a bird. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head.

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One-liner jokes for adults

Looking for sharp one-liners for adults? This compilation of one-liner jokes touches on different aspects of adult life, especially dating and relationships.

• I don't have a girlfriend. But I know a girl that would get mad if she heard me say that.
• I don’t like shopping centres. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
• I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
• I’m not a hard drinker. I find it pretty easy.
• A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”
• I didn’t know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
• Last night, my girlfriend and I watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the telly.
• I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.
• Once, my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days, he kept leaving little messages around the house.
• What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
• My husband and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.
• Any married person should forget their mistakes. There is no use for two people remembering the same thing.
• My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.
• My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
• I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a Chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.
• The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
• Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
• What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law? Outlaws are wanted.
• So what if I don't know what "Armageddon" means? It's not the end of the world.
• I just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
• Never date an apostrophe. They can be a little possessive.

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Famous one-liners

How many famous one-liners do you know? There are several popular jokes you will come across during conversations. Some come from famous personalities, making the jokes more prevalent among people. Here are some one-liners you ought to know.

• Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. – George Carlin
• My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that. – Stewart Francis
• I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. – Will Marsh
• A TV can insult your intelligence. But nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought it would change everything.
• I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none work.
• Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• The guy whose whole left side got amputated is all right now.
• Whiteboards are remarkable.
• My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now, his business is toast.
• How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
• My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, Watt?
• The rotation of the Earth makes my day.
• I started out with nothing and still have most of it.
• The guy who was hit with a can of soda on the head did not get hurt because it was a soft drink.
• R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.
• Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
• I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
• I've just written a song about tortillas; it's more of a rap.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• Why aren't dogs good dancers, you ask? Because they've got two left feet.

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No more awkward moments of silence when you are with your friends or crush because you can occasionally drop any of the above one-liners to make them laugh. Some of the jokes are witty, and your friends might take a while to grasp them, but when they do, they will have good laughter.

Legit.ng recently published a list of the best funny jokes for girls. One of the ways of impressing a girl is by being humorous. What joke can you say to her to guarantee a laugh?

Building a romantic relationship with a girl calls for lots of funny moments. If you have some funny jokes up your sleeves, you are a step ahead in winning her heart. Check out this list of jokes you can tell your girl to make her laugh.

Source: Legit.ng