Funny quotes by Nigerian comedians that are absolutely hilarious

Thursday, August 11, 2022 at 9:38 AM by Peris Wamangu 7 min read

Nigeria has many reputable comedians whose jokes are appreciated at home and abroad. They have a great sense of humour. No doubt, some of the jokes and funny quotes by Nigerian comedians will make your day.

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Nigerian comedians have dropped great and funny quotes about life in general. These quotes are also motivation, considering the fact that life can get hard and frustrating. You can share these funny quotes with your friends for a good laugh.

Funny quotes by Nigerian comedians

These funny quotes by comedians are motivational and hilarious at the same time.

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. – Basketmouth
The cow in a hurry to go to America will come back as corned beef. – Pete Edochie
If you are filthy and need a bath, pray from now till tomorrow, if you no bath, you go still dey smell.– Alibaba
When a girl has beauty alone without brains, the private part suffers the most. – Pete Edochie
Girls if your boyfriend is a good listener, he is probably thinking of something else when you're talking. – Basketmouth
If you want to say bad things about me behind my back, come to me; I'll tell you more. – Bovi
Most girls pray for hardworking men, yet they don't respond to greetings from Bricklayers. – Basketmouth
Funny thing is that in this business, bigmanism/bigwomanism can make you go hungry. – Gordons
Being a good person is like being a goalkeeper. People will only remember the ones you missed no matter how many goals you save. – Julius Agwu
The bu*ocks are like a married couple; though there is constant friction between them, they will still love and live together. – Pete Edochie
People say being rich isn't about what you have in your bank account but what you have in your heart; take your heart to Shoprite, and let's see what you get. – Julius Agwu
When a goat laughs after hearing that the lion is around, you need to find out what kind of grass it has been eating. – Pete Edochie
A man who counts his money right after withdrawing from the ATM has trust issues. – Pete Edochie
Dating a twin is a problem; you can't even say, baby, there is no one like you. – Alibaba
He that is looking for the expiry date on agege bread is not worthy of being called hungry. – Pete Edochie
If you are ever feeling miserable, just remember someone out there has a permanent tattoo of their ex! – Julius Agwu
Your boyfriend is not your source of income. My dear, it's a relationship, not a job opportunity. – Basketmouth
You don't need to have a car to impress a girl. Just wear a starched shirt and hold a car key in your hand. – Basketmouth
Once a girl stops taking pictures, and you don't see her online, just know she is pregnant. – Pete Edochie
Bloggers are much like the friend you invited to check your blog who created his own blog and copied all your contents. – Basketmouth

Hilarious quotes by Nigerian comedians

funny quotes by comedians — Photo: pixabay.com, @bamcreations01 (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Below are more funny jokes you can share with your friends and loved ones.

Girls are like mangoes; some of you are waiting for them to ripe, and others eat them with salt. – Pete Edochie
I don't lose, I either win or I learn. – Basketmouth
A man having a female best friend is like having chicken for a pet; you will eat it someday. – Pete Edochie
If looks could kill, the look on the face of a newsvendor when people read headlines and not buy a newspaper would have killed many. – Julius Agwu
When your goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour's soup gets suspicious. – Pete Edochie
How can the pastor be preaching about charity, and he put a password on church wifi? – Julius Agwu
As powerful as the king is, he cannot command anybody to help him pass faeces. – Pete Edochie
Never open the door for an armed robber; let them break it. It's part of their job. – Pete Edochie
Somewhere in Nigeria, in this cold weather, a greedy girl is shivering and still asking her boyfriend for ice cream! – Julius Agwu
One man's food is every other man's food. Just because one idiot refuses to eat it doesn't make it poison. – Pete Edochie
The only person that reads the terms and conditions is the one who writes them. – Pete Edochie
The only warning Africans take seriously is low battery. – Ayo Makun
A woman's greatest perfume is the fragrance of her man's success. – Pete Edochie
Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than bananas is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father. – Ayo Makun
Fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes, artificial face and sometimes fake behaviour, yet a woman will say she needs a real man. – Pete Edochie
Give them a chair if they can't stand your success. – Pete Edochie
If your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend. – Ayo Makun
No matter how dark the room is, a man will always find his way to the woman's bre*st. – Pete Edochie
Just because you met them at the church doesn't mean they are the ones. Demons go to church too. – Pete Edochie

Funny Nigerian quotes for Facebook

Facebook is a place to get the most recent news and hot gossip. But, it is also a great place to show off your sense of humour. These funny Nigerian quotes for Facebook will make your friends laugh.

Lagos traffic will make you think you're hard-working because you always get home tired.
I am not lazy; I rest before I get tired.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Do not be too shy to get that airtime from your ex. Take it as your retirement benefit.
God doesn't give up on people. People give up on themselves. – Bovi
People will love you, people will hate you, while others will secretly wish to be you. – Gordons
Continue saying all men are players until you finally marry their coach.
I've had a very busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I'm not short. I'm fun-sized!
Facebook should stop sending me reminders of other people's birthdays. What am I, a cake factory?
I'm not 40; I'm eighteen with 22 years of experience.
I am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time, lunch time, break time, bedtime, this time, that time, anytime, all the time.
I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.
My mate changed his Facebook status to "suicidal, standing on the edge of a cliff", so I poked him.
My iPhone must be broken. I pressed the home button, but I'm still at school.
The chief, who doesn't know what to say, says that his friend has said what he would have said. – Pete Edochie
He who decides to swallow a complete coconut has absolute trust in his an*s. – Ayo Makun
No matter how rich you get, you cannot pay for your sins. – Pete Edochie
Respect pregnant women because it's not easy going around with evidence that you've had s*x. – Ayo Makun
No matter how good you are, you are the villain in somebody's narration of the movie. – Gordons
I only use violence as an appropriate response. So if I slap you, it's because you gave me a reason to. – Bovi
I was very good at mathematics until they added letters. – Alibaba
Remember one thing, you might be a player, but I am the game.– Gordons
Don't be deceived! Being kissed doesn't mean you are loved. If you doubt, ask Jesus about Judas. – Julius Agwu