Best horse puns, jokes, memes, quotes and pick up lines

Friday, September 20, 2019 at 11:56 AM by Adrianna Simwa 6 min read

Horse puns, jokes, and memes tend to be funny. Discover some creative puns that you can post on your social media accounts or share with your friends to keep the fun and celebration alive. Similarly, these puns, jokes, and memes can play a significant role in inspiring you to come up with more rib-cracking jokes.

Do you have an upcoming event and would love to share animal jokes and puns? Check out these hilarious horse puns, jokes, and quotes you can use;

Funny horse jokes

horse memes — Image: pixabay.com (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Cracking a joke, especially one that relates to an animal can be tricky. One may deliver a funny animal joke poorly, leaving most people confused rather than impressed. Here are hilarious horse jokes that guarantee wild laughter whenever one shares them;

What did one horse say to the other one? The pace is familiar, but I can't remember the mane.
I put a bet on a stallion that had excellent breeding. After the animal left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
A talking stallion walked into a bar and immediately approached the manager. After excusing himself, the colt asked the manger if he was hiring. The manager looked at the animal up and down and replied, "Sorry, pal. Why don't you try the circus?" The colt was confused and he asked "Why would the circus need a bartender?"
Why did the horse eat with his mouth open? Because it had bad stable manners!
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What is the quickest way to mail a little colt? Use the Pony Express.
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them that did not help though. The Irishman discovered that the brown stallion was only an inch taller than the white one!
What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? Some poor colt is walking around in his socks.
A pony goes to the doctor and tells him, "Doc, I think I'm dying. I have this terrible sore throat." The doctor assures him, "It's okay—you're just a little horse."
Did you find my horse well behaved? Indeed, whenever we came to a fence, he let me over first!
A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. "What are you planning to do with that nag?" the man asks. "Race it," replies the jockey, surprised. "Well, by the look of it," the man says, "You will surely win!"
Where do horses go when they are sick? The horsepital!
A stallion and a mare were due to get married, but the stallion did not show up at the church. He got colt feet.
Why is horse racing so romantic? Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the stallion, and you can kiss your money goodbye
A horse limps into a bar one day. He's got a bandage around his head and looks really ill. He orders a glass of the most expensive champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. When the bartender serves them to him, he quickly downs them all. Then he says, "You know; I shouldn't be drinking this with what I've got..." The bartender asks, "Why, what have you got?" The horse replies, "About 2 dollars and a carrot."
What's a horse's favourite sport? Stable tennis.
The racehorse owner was annoyed with how his colt was running at the race. He turned to the jockey and said, "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."
A little cowboy ran into a bar and filled with anger, he shouted "WHO is the lousy varmint that painted my colt green?" A gigantic cowboy stood up and answered "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," replied the little guy "just wanted to tell you that the first coat is dry!"
A cowboy bought a colt from the town pastor. The pastor explained to the cowboy that for the stallion to go, he had to yell 'Thank God!' And to make it stop, he had to yell, 'Hallelujah.'" The cowboy nodded and took off. He rode all day and began to nod off in the saddle when he realized that he about to ride over a cliff. He began yelling to the stallion, "Hallelujah! Hallelujah!" The animal immediately came to a stop just at the cliff’s edge. The cowboy sighed and said." Phew! Thank God!"

Funny horse quotes

funny horse memes — Image: pixabay.com (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Here are the most humorous horse quotes that will leave you in stitches;

“My horse was so late getting home; he tiptoed into the stable.”- Henny Youngman
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has, which keeps it from betting on people.”- W.C Fields
Funny horse puns
Are you looking for a horse pun to share with your pals? Check out some here;
Did you hear about the stallion who fired the weather reported? She kept saying that the weather was stable every day.
Let us skip the opener and just show up for the mane event.
Spending time around those two is exhausting. They are continually jockeying for position.
Why did the stallion stop in the middle of the road? Someone yelled, "Hay!"
How do you control a wild teenage stallion? You just have to know how to rein them in.
The mother pony kept yelling at her little ponies. They wouldn't stop horsing around.
As soon as the stallion ate the entire stable of hay, he had a baleful look about him. I would, too.
What is the best type of story to tell a runaway stallion? A tale of WHOA!

Horse pick up lines

horse funny — Image: pixabay.com (modified by author)
Source: UGC

Determining what pick up line to use when addressing your crush can be daunting. Check out some of the best pick-up lines you can use in such a situation;

Are your hooves tired? Cause you have been galloping thru my mind all day.
I want to ride my horse all the way to the moon where I can walk with you into our paradise.
Girl, I want to foal-fill your needs.
Are you a secretariat? Because you ran away with my heart.
Let me wander this town and use this saddle to carry our fears and worries about our lives.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past you again?
Hey, baby. I am searching for a stable relationship.
I want to carry my stallion like I can carry you in my hearts and tender it for the rest of my life.
I want to ride your world and all of your dreams like the most magnificent horse in your life.
Let me drink this fantasy and ride the world like a couple of cowboys searching for treasures.
I'm trying to pony express the way I feel about you without being too clich-neigh.
What up filly. I am a purebred making that pure bread. Do you want to go for a trot?