Top South African jokes one-liners

Tuesday, November 07, 2017 at 5:29 PM by Adrianna Simwa 4 min read

Are you looking to add some humour to your daily conversations with your friends and colleagues? Do you need some funny jokes to use while anchoring an event? One-liner short jokes are some of the funniest jokes you can easily pick up and use. Below, you will find some top South African jokes you can easily use.

Man whispering something funny into his lady's ear

Short, concise and funny jokes are way better than long empty and dry jokes. One-liner jokes are the best because they are straight to the point and will make you laugh uncontrollably. They can be easily memorised and used anytime and anywhere. You don’t have to be a funny storyteller to use one-liner jokes because the jokes will do all the job. Here is a list of some very funny jokes one-liner.

READ ALSO: Very funny Nigerian jokes: Top 10

South African born comedian, Trevor Noah

Top 30 one-liner short jokes

Never argue with a bone-head. He will surely drag you to his own level and then beat you with experience.
These days, the pizza arrives before the police.
The last thing I want to do to you is to hurt you, but it is still an option.
If I agreed with you then we would both be wrong.
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The newsreader always starts with “Good evening” when he already knows it’s not.
If God is watching you, at least be entertaining.
If three out of five people are suffering from diarrhoea, are the others enjoying it?
If you think nobody cares whether you are alive or dead, then try missing a couple of credit card payments and see what happens?
I thought I wanted a job, turns out I really just wanted a paycheck.
Do not ever, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I passed a blonde with “Guess” on her T-shirt. I said “implants”? She didn’t say a thing, she just kicked me in the nuts.
My employment contract asked who should be notified in case of a medical emergency. I wrote “Doctor”, my mum sure as hell is not going to be much help.
Shins are actually built-in furniture detectors for the dark.
The sole purpose of your middle name is so you know when you are in real trouble with your mother.
The smell to a midget in a crowded train is very different.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
He who smiles in a crisis and appears calm has found someone else to blame.
Never hit a man with glasses, rather hit him with a baseball bat.
Before you decide to fight fire with fire, remember firemen use water.
With enough thrust, pigs, can in fact fly.
Change is inevitable, other than from a vending machine.
Whoever said “quiet as a mouse”, has obviously never stepped on one.
You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you will need one if you want to do it twice.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes. He cried, then he hugged me and my sister.
Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant! Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your breast, say don’t, and when he touches you "love canal", say stop. Daughter: Yes, but he kept on touching both of them, so I kept on saying, “don’t, stop, don’t, stop...”
My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. Then I asked which end and I got a detention.
The fastest mode of communication is to tell a girl a rumour and make her promise to keep it as a secret.
At the end of the school year and a mother asked his son if the exam questions were difficult. And he answers her saying “They weren’t bad at all,” it was the answers that gave me all the trouble.”
People say I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.